The Little Show that never ends is ending - and not a single one of us is ready.

[dizzojay]

I'm not, for one moment suggesting that what the fandom is going through right now compares in any way to the indescribable pain and despair of a bereavement; that would be insulting to everyone who has ever lost a loved-one.  But it doesn't alter the fact that what we are all going through is a form of grieving process.  All over social media, I've seen people talking about feeling 'empty', 'numb', 'shocked', being in denial, in despair, being scared, lonely, even angry.

I've spent the last two days feeling low and weepy. Not full-on sobbing and howling, just going about my daily life with the emotion bubbling constantly under the surface and tears intermittently streaming down my face.  I think I need that explosion of emotion - of crying and ugly sobbing - to let it all out, but right now I think I'm just too numb for that to happen.

When I think of life post-Supernatural, I keep coming back to Philip Seymour Hoffman's melancholy words in the Boat that Rocked...

'I made a terrible mistake. I realized something, and instead of crushing the thought the moment it came I... I let it hang on, and now I know it to be true. And I'm afraid it's stuck in my head forever.  These are the best days of our lives.  It's a terrible thing to know.'

I sincerely hope that I'm proved wrong, but right now - I can't see it.

Comments

[sasha-dragon.livejournal.com]

I second every word of this, i fully expected to howl weep and rage but instead I feel just kind of numb. Even though there will be no more new episodes and the boys will fade into memory, I hope that we as a family will stay strong and carry on the great work Jared and the others set in motion and always kepp fighting for one another.

It's not the end, it's simply turnng the page to a new chapter, our story continues and we'll always keep the Winchesters with us in our hearts.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

The Winchesters certainly will live on in our hearts and minds. I find I'm managing by existing in a state of denial at the moment, but I just can't imagine the state I'll be in this time next year I've already decided that I'll have to have a day off to watch the episode or watch it at the weekend, because I'll be good for absolutely nothing afterwards :(

[sasha-dragon.livejournal.com]

The Winchesters will always be with us no matter what happens. I know how you feel I'm still in a state of denial as well and I think this time next year will be utterly horrendous. In fact me and Chelle were talking about trying to watch the finale together somewhere rather than suffer through it alone, fancy joining in?

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Oh God, yes please. It will be so much easier to bear with fellow fangirls around me!
Count me in Xxxx

[sasha-dragon.livejournal.com]

We'll have to get something sorted out when we're at Crossroads this year, there's no way I want to sit through that on my own.

[deanshot1]

I know what you mean, it's taking every ounce of my strength not to just break down and sob but at the moment I think my brain is just trying to come to terms with the news of our show coming to an end and I think that until it actually sinks in that my tears will keep at bay but after I don't know how I'll cope. I'm just very grateful to have all of you in my life as I know it will help with what's coming. *hugs you close*

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

I think fandom support is going to become a lifesaver as the year ticks down to the finale. I'm going to be an absolute wreck. :'(

[stolenglimpse.livejournal.com]

I don't know if it's because I haven't followed the show from beginning to end on a non-stop basis last most fans have... you know... not watching on TV after moving out of the parents place and not having the channel... catching some things online but nothing more and then buying the seasons as they come out but not really watching... and then binge watch from season 1 up to 10 and only 4 episodes of 11 and stopping again... but I'm not feeling as sad about the show ending as maybe I should?

I mean, I am, don't get me wrong... Sam and Dean and Cas forever, obviously and Supernatural is forever going to be a favorite show of mine but... I don't know. I admit feeling shocked when I saw on twitter the other day that the show would end after season 15 and my reaction was "noooo!!" but then I started thinking that, well, it did run its course. For a show that was originally intended to only go for 5 seasons, it did 10 more and that's amazing considering some shows don't make it through a full season 1.

I'm not sure what I wanted to say came out in this but I guess I might not be as sad about it as many fans are...

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

I wish I could say I felt like you. I really feel bereft, and it's a feeling that's only going to intensify as we approach the end. I think I've cried more tears over the last week than this year and last year put together!!

[kinkthatwinked.livejournal.com]

It might be too soon to say this, but I absolutely do not believe that these are the best days of your life, and it's all downhill from here. Supernatural might forever reign supreme as the most all-encompassing, life-changing fandom you've ever been involved in, but it will NOT be the last fandom you love. You're too much of a passionate fangirl to let it all end here and never find anything else.

You know why I believe this? I once had a fandom like that, based around the Lord of the Rings movies. Boy, I've been a fangirl for years, but nothing ever hit me like that, to the point where I was not only attending conventions, but also little moots of fangirls who came from all over the world just to sit and talk in person about the phenomenon. We wrote and shared fics face to face (something I'd never even considered doing before), exchanged addresses and phone numbers -- hell, it was those women who introduced me to LiveJournal in the first place. Because of LoTR, I made lifelong friends, traveled, formed an online presence, became a writer and an artist again, spent embarrassing amounts of money, collected autographs that I still proudly display in my living room today, and found out what it feels like to stand in front of a microphone with the object of my affections just a few feet away on a stage looking right at me (I could barely get the words out).

I dreaded life after the third movie came out on DVD, because that would officially be the end of it. None of us knew what we would do with all of our passion once our hobbits and men and elves moved on to other projects, and even the news that Peter Jackson would also make movies about The Hobbit didn't quite spark the same excitement. We could only keep immersing ourselves in the brilliant works of our fellow fans, and feel waves of somewhat dimmed passion mixed with nostalgia and a bit of sadness, and I really thought I'd go back to being a "normal," boring person after that.

And then a friend, one of those same LoTR friends, showed up at our last moot with a DVD set she wanted to share, about these two brothers who hunt monsters. I wasn't interested -- I so much as look at the cover for a Stephen King book, and I lose sleep. Who wants to watch a show where every episode is like a well done mini horror flick? But I humored her, and I sat down to watch ... and by the time Sam said, "When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45," I was fucking hooked!

It's never over. Not because there's necessarily another fandom out there that will grab you the way SPN did, but because you're a fangirl, and there's too much passion in you for fascinating creative works for you to never find anything else that brings you joy. This fandom, much like the LoTR fandom, will continue to churn out brilliant fanworks to keep us all entertained and immersed in the community. The actors will continue to Tweet us pictures of their families, likely continue working, and maybe even continue attending conventions. And when all else fails, the episodes themselves will live on, both in syndication and on your collection. Yes, the fans may drift apart as we get involved in other fandoms, but I still have LoTR friends that I talk to because our friendship grew beyond the fandom, and I know you've made SPN friends like that, too. And eventually, even if it's not the same, even though you'll always miss the Winchesters, you will find something else that makes you happy. I'm sure of it.

((((((hugs))))))

[tyrsibs.livejournal.com]

I agree with this, 100 percent!

I've never had a fandom experience like this one before, though I realize now, in the midst of it, that I'm a lifelong fangirl. This is the show that inspired me to reach out online, to start writing again, to fly to another country for a con, and I will love it, and cherish these memories, forever.

And I know that the Winchesters will take up residence in my fannish heart, next to the Firefly crew, Buffy, Spike, Angel, the hobbitses, Harry Potter, and Wolfe and Archie Goodwin. And that my old fangirl heart will someday expand again to include something new.

[supernutjapan.livejournal.com]

This is beautiful. :'''') Thank you.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Hey there
Thank you so much for your kind words. I really hope you're right. At the moment, all I can think about is what I'll miss … J2 clowning around on set, their silly little Instagram posts, the little treats the show gives us like the Mockumentary, the Harlem Shakes and the Hillywood Parodies, the sense of unity between J2M and the fandom. It's going to be a difficult adjustment, but knowing I have my friends here, including you, is going help immensely xx

[stir-of-echoes.livejournal.com]

I am so trying to keep the tears at bay, I'm afraid if I give in to them I may not stop. I understand their decision and support them but damn it hurts. It really does. I'm going to miss the characters so much, and the feeling of family that the actors and crew fostered. We are a family, and I've seem such an outpouring of hurt from so many people. I've had some lovely supportive messages and hugs from all corners of the globe. We'll be here for each other, because yes, family don't end in blood.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

You're so right, there's so much we'll miss. The support of the fandom is going to become so vital over the coming months x

[stir-of-echoes.livejournal.com]

It is we need to be here for each other, we'll have none of the It's just a tv show Or he's not a real person Who cares if it is a TV show, I’ve bonded with this show and its characters. I know more about them than I do my neighbours. We’ve shared fourteen years together fourteen years of pain, heartache and loss but on the slip side an abundance of joy and hope.

It’s a show about family, it’s a fandom about family something the cast has fostered and, we continue to foster.

And we are a family and as family it’s time to rally around each other.

[tyrsibs.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying this, for putting so well what I think most of us are going through right now.

There is a light at the end of this nasty ass tunnel, though, and we can take each other to it. RIght?

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Yes indeed. Winchesters and fandom forever!
xx

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

It was an awful shock, no matter that we all knew it would happen 'one day' and we are all grieving for what we will miss but until then we have 4 more episodes this year and 20 next season to look forward to - although S15 is going to be so bittersweet to watch - which is more than some shows ever get and we're so lucky to have had 15 years. And I don't think our fandom will crumble, I actually think it will make it stronger as we all come together to celebrate 15 seasons and mourn the ending. I'm sure SPN cons will continue, just not as often, and that friendships made will continue, too.

So I'm trying to be glass half full about it and didn't burst into tears when 'Carry On...' popped up on my playlist earlier!

*big hugs*

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

We have so much to be thankful for - and that makes it so much harder to let go at the end. We will all need to be there for each other over these coming months!
xx

[ennisjackdean.livejournal.com]

I don't feel it's about the OBJECT in question
or even what kind of loss it is (simply gone or
actually dead) it's about what YOU have infested
emotionally and yes spiritually that determines loss.

There's no question what this will mean and how lives
will need adjustment.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being so understanding; even I've been surprised at how intensely I've felt this shock. It's been awful not being able to share with other people (apart from Mr D and other fandom buddies) because - let's face it - feeling this way over the end of a TV show - Most people will think I'm nuts!

xx

[metallidean-grl.livejournal.com]

A loss is a loss, no matter what it is. Yes, we can downplay that the end of Supernatural is superfluous and unimportant when you compare it to say, the death of a loved one, but I counter that no loss should be minimized. We feel what we feel and we should not minimize those feelings. There are degrees of loss, with loved ones loss on the high end of the scale, and something like this probably near the middle to lower end of the scale. No matter what, it is still a loss and everyone has to go through their own stages of mourning. Personally, I don't feel it as much right now, but I venture to guess that when we get near the end of the series I will probably be a mess. It just doesn't feel completely real yet to me. These days have definitely been the times of our lives. They have been wonderful and fun, sometimes irritatingly stressful, what with the negative nellies in fandom, but as a whole it has been good. We may not have another time like this in our lives, but good golly, I certainly hope that that is not true. I'm still too young to think that there are not best times of my life still to be had. It will just be a different time of my life. My Con buddy and I are already starting to plan summer vacations together once the Cons slow down and we longer attend them. I'm actually looking forward to exploring the world with her. They will be new times of our lives.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Yes. Life is all about adapting to circumstances, and this is just going to be one of those adaptations. One I'm not looking forward to, but as long as I have the fandom to immerse myself into, I'll manage, and continue having fun - just a different kind of fun. I only hope that the boys stay part of our lives, both through their social media, and by whatever future projects they work on, maybe even the odd convention. I couldn't bear the thought of them just disappearing from us.