The Little Show that never ends is ending - and not a single one of us is ready.

[dizzojay]

I'm not, for one moment suggesting that what the fandom is going through right now compares in any way to the indescribable pain and despair of a bereavement; that would be insulting to everyone who has ever lost a loved-one.  But it doesn't alter the fact that what we are all going through is a form of grieving process.  All over social media, I've seen people talking about feeling 'empty', 'numb', 'shocked', being in denial, in despair, being scared, lonely, even angry.

I've spent the last two days feeling low and weepy. Not full-on sobbing and howling, just going about my daily life with the emotion bubbling constantly under the surface and tears intermittently streaming down my face.  I think I need that explosion of emotion - of crying and ugly sobbing - to let it all out, but right now I think I'm just too numb for that to happen.

When I think of life post-Supernatural, I keep coming back to Philip Seymour Hoffman's melancholy words in the Boat that Rocked...

'I made a terrible mistake. I realized something, and instead of crushing the thought the moment it came I... I let it hang on, and now I know it to be true. And I'm afraid it's stuck in my head forever.  These are the best days of our lives.  It's a terrible thing to know.'

I sincerely hope that I'm proved wrong, but right now - I can't see it.

Comments

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Yes. Life is all about adapting to circumstances, and this is just going to be one of those adaptations. One I'm not looking forward to, but as long as I have the fandom to immerse myself into, I'll manage, and continue having fun - just a different kind of fun. I only hope that the boys stay part of our lives, both through their social media, and by whatever future projects they work on, maybe even the odd convention. I couldn't bear the thought of them just disappearing from us.