Now I Understand

[dizzojay]

Okay, it took me a while, but here's a little cathartic drabble following the trauma of the season finale ...

NOW I UNDERSTAND

Rating: K+
Genre: Tragedy/Angst
Characters: Sam and Dean Winchester
Spoilers/Warnings: Huge spoilers for 9.23
Word Count: 100
Disclaimer: I don't own them

Tag to Dean’s death scene
Sam’s big enough to admit his mistakes; Sam’s POV

xxxxx

Cradling Dean's broken, lifeless body against mine, I remember those furious words I'd spoken so long ago; words that prompted this miserable silo mentality we've both descended into.

I'd told Dean that I wouldn't help him if he died. He'd looked hurt; I'd felt justified.

But now I get it; I understand, and I desperately wish I could unsay those words.

A lifetime without Dean stretches before me and I can't face it. I want to die right now, right alongside him.

Gathering him closer, I want to occupy the same space; physics be damned.

I'll get him back.

Whatever it takes.

xxxxx

end

Comments

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I thought we only posted sunny fics here! I have a ton of angst I could share...LOL....

Love the line about wanting to occupy the same space. You could see that in his face in that scene. *nods*

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

We only post sunny stuff over at Big-Pretzel; this is my journal - I can be as angsty and snotty as I want here :)

[amberdreams.livejournal.com]

I realised after I posted that I was here not there LOL - all the sunny yellow had me disorientated...but so did the fact that you weren't writing your usual cracktasticness! So I let it stand - as a mark of the unusual angsty mood.

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

I think you climbed inside Sam's brain for this, just perfect and so sad. Poor Sammy! Poor Dean! Poor us!

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Thank you - glad you liked it!

[siennavie.livejournal.com]

The right amount of bittersweet.

I can't wait for Sam to rescue Dean, because we need another brother moment after Sam confessed it was a lie! The "I'm proud of you" was a tease.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Yes, indeed; as many brotherly moments as they want to give us!

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

WOW! *Clings* That just hit every single nerve!

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Glad you enjoyed it! :)

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

I did, it hurt, so bad, but it was really good. I'm still in awe at anyone who can pack that much emotional punch into so few words :)

[fiery-fox2.livejournal.com]

Y U DO THIS. :'(
It's an amazing look at the agony Sam is going through though. Well done.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Thank you!
x

[sasha-dragon.livejournal.com]

*And starts bawling like a baby again* I think this is the perfect take on what was going on in Sam's head just after Dean *gulp* died...and bugger I'm off again.

A brilliant and very poignant piece of writing, thanks for sharing it.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Thanks hun, glad you liked it!
x

[metallidean-grl.livejournal.com]

Absolute perfection. I think we all knew that what Sam said wasn't really true. It is just unfortunate that Sam has to realize the mistakes of his words with the actuality of Dean's death. It's never quite as comfortable when the shoe is on the other foot, is it.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Sadly, it's always the ones we love that we hurt the most in the heat of the moment :(