Drabble: The Hardest Day

[dizzojay]

I wrote a triple drabble for the fanfiction.net weekend drabble challenge this weekend.  The challenge word was 'bitter' and, I'm sorry, it took my mind in rather a dark direction...

THE HARDEST DAY

SPOILERS – series finale.

Rating: K+
Genre: Angst/tragedy
Word Count: 300

24th January – after Dean's death. It was the hardest day.




Work Text:
The first 24th January after it happened was hard.

Sam tried not to look down into the liquid wells of heartbreak that were aimed directly at him.

"I know Miracle," he sighed. "I miss him too."

Sam just couldn't deal with someone else's sorrow. He could hardly deal with his own. The fog of his intoxication was barely managing to soften the bitterness of his grief.

There were too many memories, his mind was awash with them.

Every year, Dean always bought himself a massive pie for his birthday and would sit and trough it down within minutes, much to Sam's amusement.

Sam had bought a big apple pie yesterday, intending to eat it as a tribute to Dean. But this morning, his appetite had fled. His mind and body were as empty as his soul.

It was everything Sam could do to fight the urge to head for the nearest crossroads and do what he was desperate to do. It was taking a superhuman effort to stop himself. But he wouldn't. He'd made a promise to Dean; it was practically Dean's dying wish. That promise was sacred, no matter how much it hurt.

Sam would throw the pie out for the birds tomorrow. At least someone would gain some pleasure from Dean's birthday.

Sam hoped that one day, Dean's birthday could become a happy day. A day when his memories would bring comfort, not anguish. A day, not for missing what he lost, but celebrating what he had.

Sam knew that day was a long way off, and there was a lot of grieving for him to do; but one day he would smile on Dean's birthday again.

One day he would face the world again.

One day he would eat pie.

xxxxx

end

Comments

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Oh, this reads exactly right...and so heartbreaking...

[supernutjapan.livejournal.com]

Gah...

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Thank you — and, I'm sorry!

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

My thoughts when I was writing it!

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

I can totally see this happening, poor Sam, and poor Miracle. I can also imagine Dean jr eating pie with his dad in future years.

Sad but beautiful.

[metallidean-grl.livejournal.com]

So beautifully bittersweet. I'm still living in a world where Dean is alive. I just cannot comprehend (or maybe accept) his death. Nope, nope nope, not gonna do it. On his birthday some people posted pictures of him that listed his birth and death date. That was really jarring to me. Didn't want to see that. So, I was happy when I saw the same picture with just his birth date.

Sam just couldn't deal with someone else's sorrow. This was perfect. After the episode aired I saw some comments from fans asking why they didn't show Sam calling any of the other hunters informing them of Dean's death. I guess they wanted to see Sam talk to others and maybe get support from them. That statement, right there, really speaks volumes as to why we didn't see something. Dealing with his own grief was probably rough enough that he just couldn't deal with anyone elses. I suspect he texted others, or called them later? It would be interesting to read a fic where he informs the others, i.e., Donna, Jody, Eileen, etc. Have you seen any? Maybe he didn't tell anyone for weeks or months, it was just too hard.

I hope Sam was able to eat his pie on Dean's birthday at some point in his life.

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm glad you like it. It was hard to write, but I think I still need to get some of this stuff out of my system!

[dizzojay.livejournal.com]

It is really hard to process Dean's death isn't it. Dean Winchester is a character that's affected me on such a fundamental level, it's hard to just think of him as a work of fiction. I know he's died numerous times in the show, but this 'real' death is really hard to deal with.

There are so many scenarios that I've thought or or read about, I think it will take years to really think about them all. One fic someone told me about, which really moved me — was that after washing his body, Sam dressed Dean in the dead guy robe ready for his hunters' funeral, because he was usually so happy when he wore that bloody old thing.

[metallidean-grl.livejournal.com]

It has been very hard to deal with Dean's death. To the point where I just won't accept it. Dean is just one of those iconic, larger than life type of characters that possesses your heart and soul. The last episode is a wonderful, well-done episode. It is beautifully done and beautifully acted. As one reviewer stated, dean's death scene was a master class in acting. Everything about that scene is just phenomenal and I still tear up thinking about it. I probably always will. It's beautiful to watch, yet so heartbreaking to watch. As much as I do love that episode, it won't be one I'll watch a lot. Just because.

That fic sounds interesting. Dean did love that robe. I'll have to do an inquiry on spn storyfinders for help in finding more fics.