Demon Resources
Aug. 19th, 2014 08:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dizzojayDEMON RESOURCES
Rating: T
Genre: Humour/horror
Characters: Lucifer
Spoilers/Warnings: Slight horror themes
Word Count: 200 words
Disclaimer: Don't own him - thankfully!
No-one ever said being the Prince of Darkness was easy.
If this sounds like a Human Resources practitioner doing a bit of venting - it is!
It’s hard work being the Lord of Hell.
Sure, it has its perks, but people don’t think about the practical side of things; the long hours, the pressure, writing all those interminable performance reviews for Hell’s minions and all the crap that goes with that - the training, the support, the disembowelling - sometimes it’s enough to make a grown embodiment-of-all-evil weep.
Then there was that clown yesterday who wanted to improve equality and diversity in Hell; you know, equal opportunities in torture and mutilation - that kind of thing.
He got his way; I sliced him into a thousand equal pieces and spread them in diverse places around the pit.
Sometimes they come to me moaning about their lot; ‘the terms and conditions stink’ they say.
Hello? Sulphur …
They complain about the hours, the health and safety, the food … I mean, what the hell (literally) is wrong with the food? The meat screams while you’re eating it, how goddamn fresh can you get?
But anyway, if they complain too much, I normally have a nice civilised meeting to hear their grievance, then I suspend them. Usually by the thumbs.
*sigh*
Did I mention it’s hard work being the Lord of Hell?
xxxxx
end
Rating: T
Genre: Humour/horror
Characters: Lucifer
Spoilers/Warnings: Slight horror themes
Word Count: 200 words
Disclaimer: Don't own him - thankfully!
No-one ever said being the Prince of Darkness was easy.
If this sounds like a Human Resources practitioner doing a bit of venting - it is!
It’s hard work being the Lord of Hell.
Sure, it has its perks, but people don’t think about the practical side of things; the long hours, the pressure, writing all those interminable performance reviews for Hell’s minions and all the crap that goes with that - the training, the support, the disembowelling - sometimes it’s enough to make a grown embodiment-of-all-evil weep.
Then there was that clown yesterday who wanted to improve equality and diversity in Hell; you know, equal opportunities in torture and mutilation - that kind of thing.
He got his way; I sliced him into a thousand equal pieces and spread them in diverse places around the pit.
Sometimes they come to me moaning about their lot; ‘the terms and conditions stink’ they say.
Hello? Sulphur …
They complain about the hours, the health and safety, the food … I mean, what the hell (literally) is wrong with the food? The meat screams while you’re eating it, how goddamn fresh can you get?
But anyway, if they complain too much, I normally have a nice civilised meeting to hear their grievance, then I suspend them. Usually by the thumbs.
*sigh*
Did I mention it’s hard work being the Lord of Hell?
xxxxx
end
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-08-19 08:40 pm (UTC)"The meat screams while you’re eating it, how goddamn fresh can you get?" made me LOL
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Date: 2014-08-27 08:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-19 10:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-08-27 08:47 pm (UTC)